Congratulations, you survived your suicide
Your sorry little heart still bipperty-bops from side to side
You get to see another day, so whattaya say
You bake some cookies for an orphan who is going blind?
Congratulations, welcome back to the grind
Congratulations, you survived your suicide
Congratulations, you survived your suicide
Yeah, you and that horror show cliche you've been trying to hide
Ring, ring, ring, you nailed down the windows and you locked the door
But the call was coming from inside
Congratulations, the good guy is gonna survive
Congratulations, the killer is still alive
You tried to pull the trigger
But your hand began to shake
And so you dodged a bullet
That you wanted to take
Life is long and sweet
And love is pure and true
So we got ourselves a problem here
And the problem is you
Congratulations, you survived your suicide
There were oh, so many who went before you that tried and died
But not you, you can hold your head up high
And let your failure fill you full of pride
Congratulations, your wish has been denied
Congratulations, you survived your suicide
Congratulations, you survived your suicide
Your sorry little heart still bipperty-bops from side to side
You get to see another day, so head to the bay
And maybe buy yourself an hour-long jet ski ride
Congratulations, you're back on the winning side
Congratulations, you survived your suicide