Cold and grey
For the early flight today
Online check-in was down
So now I'm here
To queue for years
Get my boarding pass
Then it's off to screening
Liquids in the bag
All the babies screaming
Contents in the tray
The detector beeping
Repack all your things
That familiar feeling
Walk through duty free
See what's on display
If you want some food
There are fifty shades of beige
Building rage
As I try to find my gate
Quelle surprise
The departure's now delayed
Peak dismay
Stepping on the plane
From the tarmac freezing
All the Brits abroad
On a booze cruise steaming
Passengers on board
But we're still not leaving
Missed our take off slot
Now I'm really seething
Got the middle seat
Sometimes life's not fair
Someone stop this child
From kicking on my chair
Toilet's out of order
I wouldn't go in there
Gonna have to drink
'Til I don't care
Bloody Mary please
'Cause it's five o'clock somewhere
Here in the air
Seven miles high
The recycled A/C
Packed in like sardines
For the foil-wrapped horse meat
Elbow in the ribs
From the snoring deadbeat
Think I'd sell my kidney
For business class relief
Counting down the hours
Of this dismal journey
Madness kicking in
Watching mindless movies
Seatbelt light goes on
As we touch down smoothly
All the people clap
Like a bunch of turkeys
I should have stayed at home in bed
Or got a caravan instead