If your stupid ex sends you a text
I won't judge ya if you answer it
One more drunk hook up, ha, ain't gonna hurt ya (I don't think so, at least)
So you peed in inappropriate places (oops)
And you eat burgers when you been wasted
I won't tell the police you're a vegetarian (unless they ask, I can't lie)
But now you're here in this bathroom, crying and judging yourself (stop that)
Here's some stand up advice from a girl who can't stand up herself
If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not
I love that outfit, where'd you get that top?
Yeah, nobody hates you, especially me
Hakuna-ma-vodka, no worries baby
Don't think for a second you're not like totally worth it
Your mascara isn't running, your makeup's not ruined
This message was brought to you by the messing up queen
Sincerely, drunk me
Well, I think we should talk about me
I've done some stupid shit you wouldn't believe (get ready)
I broke into a house one night to charge my phone (is that even legal?)
And then I drunk dialed my ex 60 times
Ya, honey, in one night
It's called making mistakes and baby that's how you grow
(If this is your voicemail, can you call me back?)
Yeah, sober me has learned to look the other way
She knows all the best stories, ya, they come from me
If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not
I love that outfit, where'd you get that top?
Yeah, nobody hates you, especially me
Hakuna-ma-vodka, no worries baby
Don't think for a second you're not like totally worth it
Your mascara isn't running, your makeup's not ruined
This message was brought to you by the messing up queen
Sincerely, drunk me
Sincerely, drunk me
Okay, okay
Yeah, I don't know who out there needs to hear this
Excuse me? Hello, are you even listening?
If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not
I love that outfit, where'd you get that top?
Ya, nobody hates you, especially me
(Okay, woah, I'm gonna get super deep)
Don't think for a second you're not like totally worth it
Your mascara isn't running, your makeup's not ruined
This message was brought to you by the drunk, crying
Messing up, probably should work on herself queen
You know what? I'm trying my best, but I'm just, I'm just not there yet
Sincerely, drunk me
Ha, nailed it
More like seriously drunk me
Who gives me wine when I'm singing?
This is a mistake, fuck it
Rhinoceroses