Once upon a time, there was a sergeant in the army He was bald before it became cool Glasses and a manner misinterpreted as barmy Everybody labelled him a fool Bilko, psycho wacko Bilko, Sergeant Ernest Bilko Scratching round in Kansas poker was the only game Never thought he'd see the light of day Slamming rookies, shaking bookies, no two days the same Colonel Hall was always in the way Bilko, psycho wacko Bilko, Sergeant Ernest Bilko Emperor, philosopher, Lucifer, facilitator Paparelli, Henshaw, Doberman and Sergeant Ritzick Take me on the thirty-minute ride Up and down the roller-coaster, Ernie at the joystick Laugh and laugh and laugh until you cried Bilko, psycho wacko Bilko, Sergeant Ernest Bilko Emperor, philosopher, Lucifer, facilitator Emperor, philosopher, Lucifer, facilitator