Late nights desperation
One drunk night had a revelation
Money comes quick from the end of a handgun
Done real smooth wouldn't have to run
He had an alibi
He had a car to take
It was a one stop one rob big mistake
Little did he know that the pets were ruthless
Put matters in their own paws
Stop the doofus
Shop-keep running had a lot to do
He had to clean the tanks
He had to feed the zoo
Fishes and spiders and ferrets and parrots
The turtles and lizards, the rabbits and carrots
Cats and dogs and everything in between
He even ran the cash box as he mopped and cleaned
He enjoyed the job
But it was plain to see
He wasn't ready for a pet shop robbery
Tuesday's dead and the shop was clean
Playing fetch with a pup down aisle fifteen
Door swung open with a deadpan stare
Put the cash in the bag
Threw a gun in the air
Whoa, can't we just talk about this
Shots popped off and he barely missed
Animals rattled the cages the door flew ajar
Stampede through the store looked quite bizarre
First, air strike parrots on the ready
Cockatiels second wave flight path steady
Beaks to the dome and one to the eye
Fell to his knees successful fly by
Next, time for the kitties on the front line
Hiss with the claws to the back of his thighs
Fang to the neck with the grace of a feline
Next were the gerbils to the toes with a b-line
Chomp
Munchin' on all the little piggies
Man jumped up did a funny little jiggy
Fell face first to a frightful scene
Fangs of a pup who was looking mean
God boy
Play fetch with his hands and face
He robbed the wrong little store
Held up the wrong place
It was money he was looking for
Instead he got a fight
He was looking for the cash
But instead he got the bite
Snakes, crawlin' up the pants so quickly
Screams flew out and the man felt sickly
Slither back down to the feet and squeeze
Hope your toes fall off while you cough and wheeze
Turtles show up, move slow but they came
Clamp straight to the hair
This was no war game
This was war
On the floor, in aisle five
Then the rats showed up and they did a nose dive
Out the cage to the face
With the poise and the grace
Of a rodent
And every moment the man wished
That his shot hadn't missed
Screaming out in agony
Wasn't ready for a pet shop robbery