The most desolate stretches of highway surround me
When I say I am home
Stretching out like the sorest of arms through the heat
Reaching to the sea, grasping
Towards a life that was never mine!
Towards my ghosts in the thickest darkest pines
Where a moon dappled snow takes the form of a heart's deepest fears
They can find you in your room
Under the covers with all the lights on
It doesn't matter
Thousands of miles only makes them stronger
I fell in love with the shadow you cast
It enveloped the whole coast and let me remain
Exiled by nothing
Married to escape
I had hoped to wake up in the morning as, oh, something else
Anything, anything else
Oh, the undertow grasps at my ankles and I'm tumbling
I remain spinning
Through the dark to stay out at sea
Where there's no easy answer and I am only me
And the foam on the waves isn't safe but it's something like home
"It's a process," we've been told
But legends of comfort are haunting our bones
It doesn't matter
Trying to change only makes it harder
I fell in love with ideas of boys
Salvation, disgust, validation and pain
Take my awful body
Wrap me in lace and drench me in honey
Diving back into the salt where it's safe
No boys allowed, can this just be my place?
Scream under water, bubbles come out
Is this tears or laughter?
Mom I am so sorry I can't be your girl
I am a strange creature of sadness and words
But I am not leaving, you are the one who showed me the ocean!