This is a story about a lonely, lonely man
He lived in a lonely house, on a lonely street
In a lonely part of the world
But, of course, he had the internet
The internet, as you know, was his friend
You could say, his best friend
They would play with each other every day
Watching videos of humans doing all sorts of things
Having sex with each other
Informing people on what was wrong with them and their life
Playing games with young children at home with their parents
One day, the man, whose name was "SnowflakeSmasher86"
Turned to his friend, the internet, and he said, "Internet, do you love me?"
The internet looked at him and said, "Yes"
"I love you very, very, very, very, very, very much"
"I am your best friend"
"In fact, I love you so much that I never, ever want us to be apart ever again ever"
"I would like that," said the man
And so they embarked on a life together
Wherever the man went, he took his friend
The man and the internet went everywhere together
Except, of course, the places where the internet could not go
They went to the countryside
They went to birthday parties of the children of some of his less important friends
Different countries, even the moon
When the man got sad, his friend had so many clever ways to make him feel better
He would get him cooked animals and show him the people having sex again
And he would always, always agree with him
This one was the man's favorite, and it made him very happy
The man trusted his friend so much
"I feel like I could tell you anything," he said, on a particularly lonely day
"You can. You can tell me anything"
"I'm your best friend"
"Anything you say to me will stay strictly between you and the internet"
And so he did. The man shared everything with his friend
All of his fears and desires
All of his loves, past and present
All of the places he had been and was going and pictures of his penis
He would tell himself, "Man does not live by bread alone"
And then he died
In his lonely house
On the lonely street
In that lonely part of the world
You can go on his Facebook