I scribble out every line in my notebook that I ever
Wrote about you and I tore out every page and I burnt them.
Along with the pictures of you and I.
Because I can't stand to look at that person I once was and I can't
Stand to read all those poorly written sentiments that I had never
Meant. It's just so hard to look in the mirror and not recognize that
Person you see. Not to love, not to care,
For yourself. But to plead and plead, woe is me.
And so each night I ask myself, am I content? Or just complacent.
In myself, in my self hatred.
I'm just so scared of who I once was
And the person, I will never become.
Do I romanticize these thoughts of
Death? Or are they what keep me up at 3 AM.
I let my anxieties get the best of me.
My sadness shown on my sleeve.
I don't feel like myself, I can't help from feeling worthless,
So worthless, so sad, so scared,
And so alone (so alone) I feel so alone.
I've changed so much I don't recognize myself.
I know this is only temporary, but It feels like I'm always drowning.
Like I'll never find a way out.
Maybe one day I'll find myself.
Maybe one day I'll learn to love myself.
Maybe one day I can rid theses thoughts in my head.
Maybe one day I can leave this bed.