Good evening ladies and gentlemen
This is your captain speaking
Welcome aboard DC-10 flight number 1313
We will be cruising at a height of 25, 000 feet at an air speed of 600 miles per hour
Headphones will be provided by request for a varied program of in flight music
Have a good flight
Safety belts and sickness bags, jet lag downer pills
Duty free booze and fags make me feel I'll
A vapour trail from A to B, away from normal sanity
It all seems so absurd to me
I've seen the carpets on the walls of hotels rooms around the world
I never want to hear the screams of the teenage girls in other peoples dreams
Spread the disease from the south China sea to the beach hotel Malibu
Phone my girlfriend to ask her "How's her weekend?"
I say "Hi, Terry here", and she says "Terry who? (The hell are you?)"
The businessmen are having fun
Are they on a different plane to me
I've lost touch with reality
They all seem so absurd to me like well dressed chimpanzees
Spend and spend and spend and spend, will the muzak never end?
Mark!?
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking
Due to expected engine failures we will be forced to attempt an emergency landing
Please remain seated, extinguish all cigarettes and fasten safety belts
Follow the emergency procedures laid out in the pamphlet located in front of your seats
For normal breathing, oxygen masks will be released from the compartment above your head
Please remain calm and follow the instructions of your stewardess at all times
This is a recording