Call me a cab and I'll tip the undertaker That fool couldn't tell a real stiff from a faker Well, I ain't no fool I just play one on TV 'Cause misery loves company That's why everyone loves me Now, buy me a drink and I'll tell you all a story About a bastard who traded in treasure for glory Well, the treasure was true love The bastard he was me 'Cause misery loves company That's why everyone loves me Well, I've been a rich man I've been a poor man Inside a Saturday night I've done the works And there's one thing I know You can't win if it ain't a fair fight I ain't seen the pastor Since Sunday bloody morning All the girls in the choir are in labor or mourning Take a look in my eyes I think you'll all agree 'Cause misery loves company And that's why everyone loves me I've done every shit job Handed out nose jobs Made a few friends in the tombs But I've found that in most cases Fixing the the rat race is Better than pushing a broom Now, who shall I marry The junky or the jailer? Your choices are few when they know you're a failure But there's one thing that everyone in the bar agrees That's misery loves company And that's why everyone loves me Yeah, misery loves company And that's why everyone loves me Yeah, misery loves company That's why everyone loves me