I met my wife in Alabama And she's so very nice to me She's intelligent and pretty with a good sense of humour Her teenage years were awful 'cause she is a late bloomer She's got a job at the local library 'Cause it's terribly important That one of us has got a steady income I'm a bastard (Straight from the word Go) Completely comatose (Deeply comatose) I'm so listless (Straight from the word Go) My life will decompose (Life will decompose) Sometimes we go out in the evening Exotic food goes down a treat We have to hurry up to miss the play would be a shame We don't like Allan Ayckborne but that French guy what's his name And in the morning I always got a headache So it's terribly important That one of us has got a steady income I'm a bastard (Straight from the word Go) Completely comatose (Deeply comatose) I'm so listless (Straight from the word Go) My life will decompose (Life will decompose) The other night I went to a party I met this girl she was alright We had a lot to drink, we danced and later on we kissed And in a flash I saw the opportunities I've missed You see I'm faithful to my wife 'Cause it's terribly important That one of us has got a steady income I'm a bastard (Straight from the word Go) Completely comatose (Deeply comatose) I'm so listless (Straight from the word Go) My life will decompose (Life will decompose)