I'm a shell of a man that I once was
I don't have many friends that I trust much
Getting punished for my sins but its unjust
Then again all my victims and loved ones
Buried guy deserve it had to scurry cuz they're family to the cops
Felt like they deserted me and let me hit a rut
It's been 14 months
I keep prayin' to the courts beams up
Are they ever gunna let me see my house
I've been so home sick
Try to call her but the phone goes click
I just wanna say I'm sorry and tell her how much I love her
And we were meant to be together
We need each other
When we were sober shit was betta'
Then we recover
Cuz when I'm drinkin' Imma killa, and she's a cutta'
It's unbelievable it's illegal, now for me to call her
So I just crawl up in the bed and ball up in the covers
Fallin' like a baby chuggin' vodka by the liter bottle
Fucked if I don't sip n ya I own the struggles
I don't got no windows in the room
I been stuck in
I've isolated myself from all my homies
When they call me, I'm on insta
So they yellin' say I'm fuckin'
Shitty husband and a half ass friend
I can't say that I blame them
Nah
I had seen so much as a kid growing up
I can't go back and change it
If you feel like me, we need to hang in
I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner
And I don't know how much I can give em
Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all
But it still don't feel like I'm winnin'
I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner
And I don't know how much I can give em
Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all
But it still don't feel like I'm winnin'
Yo
Lately the people I know have been lookin' at me
For some kind of advice
They don't know how much I worry that
Imma regret all the shit at the end of my life
Going insane
Keeping the poise
Go make the money
Give em your voice
Never complain
You made the choice
Never been happy, distill in the void
And everybody fakes how they feel so
You don't gotta show anybody the real you
Now the drugs we contain we conceal that
You do anything to make it and it kills you
You don't wanna walk a mile in my shoes
Y'all would fall 2 steps along this path
Cuz what I go through, I don't show you
I don't feel like I can, yeah
2 loves 2 halves to the heart
But I grip 2 hands at a time
I'm the throat of the game so I can't
Hold onto the rest of my life
When I'm up and it's finally done
I don't know but ill have the show
Gunna burn everything until everyone that doubted me knows
I wish I would known what it be like then
I said I give it all just to be like them
I'm endin' up with nothin just to have, it, all
I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner
And I don't know how much I can give em
Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all
But it still don't feel like I'm winnin' (like I'm winnin')
I feel like I'm a sinner by heart
I can't see the light so I sit in the dark
Yeah this is the way that it's been from the start
Cuz no matter what I gotta live with these scars
I'm chained up, like I'm rockin' some jewelry
All I need is this vodka to suit me
Impossible thoughts like the haunted consume me
Cannot let these shots from this bottle abuse me
No matter what tho, I gotta keep goin'
Swear to god man I bleed these poems
The seasons change and the leaves keep blowin'
Imma keep movin' up, I won't reach my lowest
Cuz I know I gotta job to finish
So I keep fuckin' the game till the condoms rippin'
And I'm lucky to be alive an not locked in prison
I'm on a mission, to show em that my heart still in it
If you gotta problem with a dawg, y'all can get it
I'm killin' everybody now. lets be non-specific
They were talkin' shit until I caught em slippin'
And they career just crashed like car collisions
Shoutout to Ekoh for preachin' the positive
Even the thought of the bottle I'm vomittin'
Reachin' the top, diggin' deep for some confidence
I do it for y'all that I see in the audience
I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner
And I don't know how much I can give em
Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all
But it still don't feel like I'm winnin'
I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner
And I don't know how much I can give em
Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all
But it still don't feel like I'm winnin'