5 Chinese Brothers Let's Kill Saturday Night Three Cool Guys Three Cool Guys (Tom Meltzer) If my life was a movie I'd want to be Jackie Chan Cause humor grace and honor are the marks of a man My fights would all be glorious, my smile would melt girls' hearts I'd be the toast of Hong Kong, my songs would top the charts But I am what I am and that's all I am That's all I can stand cause I can't stands no more If my life was a silent film I'd want to be Buster Keaton I'd embrace the blues and in the process I'd defeat them I'd have no fight with gravity, I'd do just as I please I'd tumble down each flight of stairs with the greatest of ease CHORUS If my life was a cartoon I'd want to be the Popeye the Sailor I'd have a damsel in distress and I would never fail her I'd mutter something clever then I'd knock Bluto cold I'd be a one-eyed mumbling crazy thug with a heart of gold And all my problems would be solved because I eat my greens My life it would be measured out in well-constructed scenes I'd have drama without tragedy, anger without pain Love without loneliness, hey, I would not complain CHORUS