CHRISTMAS FOR CYNICS
Bob Bennett
There's no chestnuts roasting
That's a holiday crock
No open fires are burning
Anywhere on my block
When the season comes around
It happens annually
It's time for Christmas for Cynics for me
All the decorations
Are stashed up in the attic
Dad's on top the ladder
That's problematic
There's a guest list full of people
I don't really want to see
It's time for Christmas for Cynics for me
Each year when the guy with red suit comes knocking
I always get the same lump of coal in my stocking
Someone's spinning a yarn about homemade sweaters
And people mailing mass-produced personal letters
We count the shopping days
And hide the stuff we've bought
Christmas all year 'round
Good Lord, perish the thought!
Soon we'll all get back to normal
Just you wait and see
After Christmas for Cynics for me
Mr. Scrooge bears some scrutiny
Mr. Potter's got a point
Table for three at Club Misery
We'll close down the joint
"It's a Wonderful Life"
But only on TV
'Cause it's Christmas for Cynics for me
If life were like a movie, here's how the plot would go
I'd get wise and realize I'm a sour so-and-so
Music would swirl around my great epiphany
Not a dry eye at Christmas for Cynics for me
If you pass me on the street
And extend a one-way greeting
Chances are great I'm running late
To a support group meeting
It's a lifelong addiction, a habitual affliction
And I'm only telling you where I'm headed to
And that I'm hoping for recovery
From Christmas for Cynics for me
Christmas for Cynics for me
Christmas for Cynics ... like me!