Strap them kids in
Give 'em a little bit of vodka
In a Cherry Coke
We're goin' to Oklahoma
To the family reunion
For the first time in years
Its up at Uncle Slaton's
'Cause he's gettin on in years
You know, he no longer travels
But he's still pretty spry
He's not much on talkin'
He's just too mean to die
And they'll be comin' down from Kansas and from West Arkansas
It'll be one great big ol' party like you never saw
♪
Uncle Slaton's got his Texan pride
Back in the thickets with his Asian bride
He's got an Airstream trailer and a Holstein cow
Still makes whiskey 'cause he still knows how
He plays that Choctaw Bingo every Friday night
You know he had to leave Texas, but he won't say why
He owns a quarter section up by Lake Eufala
Caught a great big ol' bluecat on a driftin' jugline
Sells his hardwood timber to the chippin' mill
Cooks that crystal meth because the shine don't sell
He cooks that crystal meth because the shine don't sell
You know he likes that money; he don't mind the smell
♪
My cousin Roscoe, Slaton's oldest boy
From his second marriage up in Illinois
He's raised in East St. Louis by his
Mama's people where they do things different
Thought he'd just come on down
He's goin' to Dallas Texas in a semi truck
Called from that big McDonald's
You know that one that's built up on that
Great big old bridge across the Will Rogers Turnpike
Took the Big Cabin exit
Stopped and bought a carton of cigarettes
At that Indian smoke shop with the big neon smoke rings
In the Cherokee Nation
Hit Muskogee late that night
Somebody ran the stoplight at the Shawnee Bypass
Roscoe tried to miss him but he didn't quite
♪
Bob and May come up from
Some little town way down by
Lake Texoma where he coaches football
They were 2-A champions now for two years running
But he says they won't be this year
No, they won't be this year
And he stopped off in Tushka at that pop knife and gun place
Bought a SKS rifle and a couple full cases of that steel-core ammo
With the Berdan primers from some East Bloc nation
That no longer needs 'em
And a Desert Eagle that's one great big ol' pistol
I mean, fifty-caliber made by badass Hebrews
And some surplus tracers for that old BAR of Slaton's
Soon as it gets dark
We're gonna have us a time
We're gonna have us a time
♪
Ruth-Anne and Lynn come down from Baxter Springs
And that's one hell-raisin' town way up in southeastern Kansas
Got a biker bar next to the lingerie store
That's got the Rolling Stones lips up there in
Bright pink neon
And they're right downtown where everyone can see 'em
And they burn all night
You know they burn all night
You know they burn all night
♪
Ruthann and Lynn they wear them
Cutoff britches
And them skinny little halters
And they're second cousins to me
Man, I don't care, I wanna
Get between 'em with a
Great big ol' hard-on like a old Bois d'Arc fence post
You could hang a pipe rail gate from
Do some sister twisters 'til the cows come home
And we'll be havin' us a time
Uh-huh
♪
Uncle Slaton's got his Texan pride
Back in the thickets with his Asian bride
He's cut that corner pasture into acre lots
He sells 'em owner-financed strictly to them
That's got no kind of credit
'Cause he knows they're slackers
And they'll miss that payment
Then he takes it back
He plays that Choctaw Bingo
Every Friday night
He drinks his Johnny Walker
At that Club 69
We're gonna strap them kids in
Give 'em a little bit of Benadryl
In a Cherry Coke
We're goin' to Oklahoma
Gonna have us a time
Gonna have us a time