My fellow Americans (And to a lesser extent, the rest of the world)
Uncle Sam here - and when I'm not out scoring some wicked hot slash
Or stealing your hard earned money for God knows what, I'm at home
Scoring some wicked hot slash, and listening to sick ass hip-hop!
Here's one of my faves - just make sure you've got your checkbook handy!
Now buss it, niggaaa!
I woke up today, feeling flawless, it's obvious
I got a really good day ahead, gonna do my taxes! (It's the law, kid!)
Got a bowl of cereal, laid out some envelopes, some documents
And you know, I had some Honey Nut Cheerios...
I got a theory though - a hypothesis...
I don't really gotta do my taxes, right?
I could dodge it...
Psych! I'm conscious of the consequences
And more than happy to contribute and pay my dues to a bottomless deficit (Check it!)
I got my brand new W-2 and it's due sooner than later, so lemme tell ya what you do
You get your business receipts laid out, and add em up!
Get your business receipts added up, and write 'em off, nigga!
That's it, done - gotta stack them zeroes, inflate that refund, inflate that ego (My negro!)
And yo, my Honey Nut Cheerios? I wrote it off as a Honey Nut Business Meal
Bringing truth from the booth playa
What you gon' do?
Get your W-2, and throw it up!
I did my taxes baby... (Alright...)
And to celebrate I'm gonna jack off in the bathtub!
Filed and all done
Federal, Local, and State - fat refund coming my way
And yo...
When I'm jacking in the bath I'm gonna bend my wiener up
As I'm cumming so I can shoot it in my face!
Damn, I better do my taxes...
Roll a W-2, and pass it
Smoke it down to a pile of ashes
Man, fuck all that "math" shit...
My story ends the same way it begins
I refuse to do my taxes, again
I went to H&R Block with a raging hard cock
Slammed it on the desk and said "suck"
I ain't at a loss to figure out how I'm at a loss
I got instructions to file my deductions
I ain't no CPA, no way!
Nigga, I'm a fuckin' deductin' master e-file disaster
Gotta file 'em faster the 15th is the pastor preaching
The End of Days... that's right, I got a raise
Now I gotta phrase all the fucking ways my pay's appraised
So I'm flipping and flipping through fucking tabs of dumb bullshit
And I didn't notice since I moved my state has taxes just for living
(What? Fuck that shit!)
My wallet's got moths, flying out like Chinese New Year
Don't I pay enough tax at my TJ Maxx when I swipe my card at the cashier?
Oh shit, I just forgot
My stocks in Microsoft been sending me checks
Fuck! This shit is getting too complex!
(Ringading-ding, ringading-ding)
Hello?
Sorry can I talk to Mr. Goldstein?
No!
Could the time you left to file be any shorter?
I know but...
Don't you know you gotta make an estimated payment every quarter?
Bringing truth from the booth playa
What you gon' do?
Get your W-2, and throw it up!
I did my taxes baby... (Alright...)
And to celebrate I'm gonna jack off in the bathtub!
Filed and all done
Federal, Local, and State - fat refund coming my way
And yo...
When I'm jacking in the bath I'm gonna bend my wiener up as I'm cumming
So I can shoot it in my face!
I'm confident in congress
Pour me shots of tax until I vomit
(Awww!) My Uncle Sam needs money? I'm on it... (Bitch)
Raise my tax and I'ma yawn, and here
Take my wallet!
It's the least I could pay
Living in the USA is a God damn privilege
Even though most dudes I know are jobless, and struggling and hopeless
With a broken promise from college
That put em' in debt to the neck where the rope is...
And health insurance?
What are you, joking?
Regardless, all hands to the poop deck it's not as hard as expected
You fill out some boxes and check no or yes
If you got exemptions or if you're married or single or... wait why?
You D-T-F I-R-S?
Damn girl - didn't expect this!
Pull that pussy out and I'mma eat it for breakfast
That's right, like a big bowl of cereal...
That's right, a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios
That's right... I think I'm outta material (Bye!)
Bringing truth from the booth playa
What you gon' do?
Get your W-2, and throw it up!
I did my taxes baby... (Alright...)
And to celebrate I'm gonna jack off in the bathtub!
Filed and all done
Federal, Local, and State - fat refund coming my way
And yo...
When I'm jacking in the bath I'm gonna bend my wiener up
As I'm cumming so I can shoot it in my face!
So do your taxes kid, I did, it was on my bucket-list
Just above drugging a kid
And holding him down
And fucking him in the butt...
While he struggles around and wait what...
Shit! I'm just kidding! Wait!
(Fat, fat, fat fat refund)
I'm not a pedophile or a rapist, I swear!
(Fat, fat, fat fat refund)
(Fat, fat, fat fat wiener)
Or am I?
I'm not
Kids smell like cookies and butt and shit... it's fucking gross