What in all of heaven could have prompted her to go?
After such a triumph at the ball
What could have depressed her?
What could have possessed her?
I cannot understand the wretch at all
I say, Higgins
I have an old school chum at the Home Office
Perhaps he can help
I'll call him
Whitehall seven, two, double four, please
Women are irrational
That's all there is to that
Their heads are full of cotton, hay and rags
They're nothing but exasperating irritating-
Vacillating, calculating, agitating-
Maddening and infuriating hags!
Hello! Ah- is Brewster Budgin there, please?
Oh, could he ring right back? Thank you
Pickering, why can't a woman be more like a man?
Hm?
Yes
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
The men are so honest
So thoroughly square
Eternally noble
Historically fair
Who when you win, will always give your back a pat
Why can't a woman be like that?
Why does everyone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do everything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up like their fathers instead?
Why can't a woman take after a man?
The men are so pleasant
So easy to please
Whenever you're with them you're always at ease
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?
Of course not!
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?
Nonsense!
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?
Never!
Why can't a woman be like you?
One man in a million may shout a bit
Now and then there's one with slight defects
One, perhaps, whose truthfulness you doubt a bit
But by and large we are a marvelous sex
Why can't a woman behave like a man?
The men are so friendly, good-natured and kind
A better companion you never will find
If I were hours late for dinner, would you bellow?
Of course not!
If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss?
Nonsense
Would you complain if I took out another fellow?
Never
Why can't a woman be like us?
Mrs. Pearce, you're a woman
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
If I were a woman who'd been to a ball
Been hailed as a princess by one and by all
Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing?
And carry on as if my home were in a tree?
Would I run off and never tell me where I'm going?
Why can't a woman be like me?