She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee, her dress has got a tear
She waltzes on her way to mass and whistles on the stairs
And underneath her wimple she has curlers in her hair
I've even heard her singing in the Abbey
She's always late for chapel, but her penitence is real
She's always late for everything, except for every meal
I hate to have to say it but I very firmly feel
Maria's not an asset to the Abbey
I'd like to say a word in her behalf, Maria makes me laugh!
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find the word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet, a willow the wisp, a clown
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay and listen to all you say?
How do you catch a wave upon the sand?
Oh how do you solve a problem like Maria
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
When I'm with her I'm confused, out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather, she's as flighty as a feather
She's a darling, she's a demon, she's a lamb
She'd out pester any pest, drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle, she is wild, she's a riddle, she's a child
She's a headache, she's an angel, she's a girl
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find the word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet, a willow the wisp, a clown
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay and listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?