We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
We wish you the best day ever
And hope all your Christmas endeavors
Are super-fun, amazing, and clever
And that your New Year's rocks, too
Oh, come tell me what'cha doin'
All my relatives just flew in
From Mexico and Jerusalem
For the holidays
Both Christmas trees and menorahs
It can be confusing for us
When we break into a chorus
Of "olé" (olé) and "oy vey" (oy vey)
Good missions I'll give
To agents A through Z
Carl, get away from that punch bowl
I'm saving that for me (sorry, sir)
We wish you a Perry Christmas
We wish you a Perry Christmas
We wish you a Perry Christmas
And a- New Year
I wish for a calculator
Slash-Hindi-English translator
To find a common denominator
In both of my tongues
Good wedgies I'll give
To all of you nerds
That's how I say "merry Christmas"
I ain't good with words
I wish you would let me rule you
In evil, I'm going to school you
I won't sugarcoat or fool you
Your New Year's looks grim
I warn you, my new -inator
Will force you to serve me later
So why not just choose to cater
To my every whim?
We wish your every endeavor
Makes this the best Christmas ever
And we're all so glad that we will never
Mention figgy pudding
Oh, great, well now we've mentioned it
You know, no one would have noticed if you'd have just kept your mouth shut