I've always had this mentality that's been laced with neutrality
So please look in my history book to see my reality
I've had trouble adjusting the more attention I got
And people think for some reason that they deserve a response
From someone mildly famous who put his heart through a lot
I understand how you think, but we won't be friends on the spot
Since I'm not looking for friends, you'll find I'm far too complacent
And if you start getting close, I'll push you back to acquaintance
My lines are vivid and honest, giving a glimmer of hope
I'll switch from cocky to modest multiple times in a note
Just to turn and tell the world it's a metaphor or a joke
Then to burn all of my bridges and disappear in the smoke
I'll only see it fit to quit when all my fans say it's over
So when they outgrow my lyrics I'll feel release on my shoulders
Free my mind of this boulder, praying that will peace will come through
But I still will have the thoughts, I just won't tell them to you
This is the welcoming track, the one they play for the choir
Proclaiming God's come back, with all his thoughts on the wire
Feeling so mixed and un-matched at the top of his empire
So he'll let it collapse if it means that he's going higher
I'm afraid that any second I'll just fall off the earth
Exit other people's minds, losing all of my worth
But if I end up falling off, I'll just enter rebirth
Since I know I'll sell records if I drink and I curse
Can we quit with all this hipster shit for more than a second
It's hard to understand your subject if you're missing the lesson
So while you deconstruct the words that I said in our session
You'll find that ever single answer's a rhetorical question
I'm done with, bullshit excuses, from all my friends who are users
Because they weren't my friend's when I was one of the losers
Back in middle school and high school, I had five friends, tops
Now the previously popular are giving me props
Although I act awful awkward, I got an audible answer
And I am actually asking if you can end all this anger
And adopt an apathetic view to act as an anchor
Also add an analogy to allow air for error
Because I'm better than broken, but I still bear all the bruises
Belittled because I believed your bullshit excuses
Bent on being beautifully broken, instead of battered and bent
Because I'm bringing friends down by bringing up every bend
Cautiously counting on calls to counteract my confusion
Collecting calm thoughts from continuous contributions
Caring can't cut out the carnage, so can you call up a counselor
Complain about the constant crying at every hour
Demand these deathly ideas dissipate into darkness
Dying with the damned and dirty down to the heartless
Delude the dishonest and drown them all in damnation
Due to a dying disciple-hood's overall degradation
Pessimistic product of power protective parenting
Pins down the problem of promoting passive pandering
Picking up a pistol and pointing it at the people passing
Presently I'm praying that my death will be a peaceful passing
Fully fledged fear of the facts, but I fucking follow friends
Facing foes fiercer and faster then finding futile ends
Figuring the factors of fighting failure and free fucks
Your faith is freaking fractured, so fall in line all you lame ducks
Spare me some seconds so I can sing you a song
Satisfying sensibility of someone who's strong
Secondhand selection of single stories per session
Surviving simple sets of sadness that I see in succession
Tell me taking my time won't turn this into something terrible
I'm texting you tomorrow telling you this is unbearable
Today I took thought, thinking on things I've been taught
Tender things that to this point told me that there was a god
The other day I remembered how to forget all this pain
Avoid the constant reminders of all the darkness and rain
Filling the streets as I walk, from your bed down the block
To my house that's been waiting for me, messy and locked
I made my way to my room, overcome with a new sadness
Deconstructing thoughts, asking exactly what sad is
My eyes are still bloodshot after breaking down crying
But if you ever ask, my pride will sway me to lying
I'm a genuine good guy, but it's hard to keep caring
When after helping other people they keep bitching and glaring
They all keep standing and staring, with shock their seemingly muted
Like they've never seen a light eyed white boy make rap music
And I'm okay with that, I'm not a fan of rap, but
I like punk rock, loud music, and other crap
This concaving chest, is all I have I seem to have left
So let me tell you all my thoughts with my last set of breath
A pretty little poet's all that I will ever be
Writing words but silhouettes is all they ever see
My sorrows put to paper, my pen has saved my life
This poetry's the only thing that make me feel all right
The pills I take, mixed with the drink, to calm my nerves that always sink
The harm I do from thoughts of you, it's sickening but damn it's true
My friends don't think I mean it since my wrists don't show a scar
But if you X-Ray my whole body, I'm boasting a broken heart
Do I need to shed blood to show you all how I think
Then let this razor be my pen and the blood be my ink
This journal's all I have, it's the only place I can function
I built a life around these handbooks for self-destruction
I'm an outcast, that's obvious, but I need someone near
How can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you'll be here?
I'm sick of feeling like shit every single time that you cry
You put this gun to my head, then screamed at me not to die
I'm very aware, why you want me here
To write you sweet nothings, that play in your ear
It's probably too late, I'm sorry I stayed
But you were the one that loss I just couldn't take
So stay