Hey mom, it's Simon, how are you doing?
Good? Good!
Listen, are you still going to Curves?
If you are just tell Maria ¿Cómo estás?
Hmm... uh... anyway...
Was I a needy child?
Did I always need attention?
Did I like to flirt with girls?
Did I like to wear your clothes?
I-I-I mean-
Did I ever smile at the
Chance of playing hockey?
Or the chance to own
A muscle car?
Well
The reason that I ask
Is to gain some perspective,
And who know?
Maybe write a book?
Mom, I'm still your baby.
So you can handle anything-
Right?
I'm a little bit scared,
A little bit lonely,
A little bit empty every day.
I'm stuck in the city,
My sleep pattern's shitty.
It's kinda hard to explain.
I've only found lately, though,
That I've had this hard time
Finding my own way.
I'm a little bit lost.
A little bit found.
I'm a little bit-
H-hey. Uh.
Oh boy...

Did we always have cats?
Did I ever want a dog?
Or was I always more the... feline type?
And I'm sorry for this chat,
But did I really wear pink socks?
Or was that a laundry mishap
With the reds and the whites?
And WHY did you let He-man
Be my favorite cartoon?
Even though in college
It changed to Sailor Moon.
Was I the only baby to never mess his bib?
Was I the only baby to decorate his crib?
Mom, I'm still your baby.
So I can tell you anything.
Right?
I'm a little bit scared,
A little bit lonely,
A little bit empty every day.
I'm stuck in the city,
My sleep pattern's shitty.
It's kinda hard to explain.
I've only found lately, though,
That I've had this hard time
Finding my own way.
I'm a little bit lost.
A little bit found.
And I'm sorry mom for
Ditching class to go see Share
And for that year in college
When I highlighted my hair.
And I'm sorry mom for being
Scared to play baseball.
I just hope I've been the son
You've always wanted
After all.
(Sigh)
Mom, I'm still your baby.
So why is this so damn hard?
Okay, uh, mom, I, uh
Is it hard where you are
Because it hot as balls-
I mean Hell-
I mean heck!
I mean-
I'm sorry.
Listen, I'm just going to tell you something,
And you may like it,
You may hate it,
You may love it.
But either way you're going to have to take it
Like you take it.
I'm a little bit gay.
Just a little bit gay.
Just a tiny bit
Gay.
And I've always been that way.
And I don't think it's gonna change.

So I guess myself and I
Have recently lost touch.
But it certainly explains
Why I liked my G.I. Joes so much.
Don't worry mom,
I won't be going to hell.
And who knows?
Maybe I'll be a hero like Ellen.
Can you call me when you get this message?