She was an actress
She had some talent with a lyric
But her passion for the craft was unique
She had potential
Her approach was part satiric
With an honest, weird, yet sweet yet goofy streak
Her commercial prospects felt a little bleak
So she enrolled in a class
Where they told her she was really just too rough
She performed with heart and brains but that was simply not enough
Her package didn't fit into a mold
She'd work when she was Sixty, she was told
She fought her instincts
Made herself a bit more edible
Tried hard to not be classified as Strange
Scored an audition
Some new director, super credible
He didn't ask her name, just her range
She could sense her formal training and her natural impulse melt
I think it's worth a shot, is what she told herself she felt
And for the first time she attempted to belt
She sang loud and high and impressively
She sang loud and high and impressively
And she felt fake and weak and progressively
Off base
Still, She sang loud and high and impressively
She carried on so sleek and aggressively
Oh so loud and high and impressively
Yeah, you should've heard the cheering in the place
The Actress belted her face off
Which meant that she no longer had a face
Her skin was in a mushy pile of blood in the middle of the floor
She tried to pick it up
The director said: "Leave it, you don't need that face no more"
She was ushered off to a costume fitting, won an Obie the next day
It's amazing how quick things can move
When Unique's not in the way
No, unique's not in the way
She don't have eyes now
So it's hard for her to see
That the world she's living in is not her thing
She's got an unpaid intern
Working for her Theatre Arts degree
Who drags her all around to benefits to sing
And now she's climbing
She don't miss characteristics
That once distinguished her from all her peers
There's no more passion
She just sees it as logistics
Sing an F and all the audience cheers
That's the shit that keeps them coming back for years
She sings loud and high and impressively
She sings loud and high and impressively
And she's got fans who she'll so possessively
Embrace
By singing loud and high and impressively
Never weird or real, just aggressively
Oh so loud and high and impressively
A million dollar mouth without a face
Sing bitch, fierce, bitch, sing!
Sing bitch, fierce, bitch, sing!
Sing bitch, fierce, bitch, sing!
Then comes the day when
She's to headline her first show
She's ready for her fortune and fame
Then she's replaced by Jenna Elfman
Who the B & T crowd know
See, the Star don't need a mouth, she just needs a name
So now the Actress isn't any more like everybody else
She's tainted goods and armor-chinked and through
Her stratospheric rise and fall is nothing new
In her apartment
She's fumbling and grasping
Oh, the glory and the interns have all gone
She trips on her Obie
Now she's on the ground and gasping
Her back is broken and she just screams on and on
"Someboy help!" she just keeps crying on and on and on and on
And she screams loud and high and impressively
She screams loud and high and impressively
Just as she always sang so excessively
There at her place
See, she was usually screaming anyway
So her yelling didn't cause dismay
No one checked on her for at least a day
And when they finally did, the sight they saw was truly a disgrace
A dry and red
Contorted, dead
Mouth without a face
"Here's the moral of the story"
Said the neighbors from downstairs
"If all you do is just sing loud and high
When you die, nobody cares"