We must think of a test that sounds fair
And looks fair, and seems fair, and isn't fair!
When you got the idea of testing her for sensitivity
I could have applauded right out loud
But exactly what?
A table manner?
Oh no, that's not good enough, "Sensitivity"
Sensitivity, sensitivity
I'm just loaded with that!
In this one word is
The epitome of the aristocrat
Sensitive soul and sensitive stomach
Sensitive hands and feet
This is the blessing, also the curse
Of being the true elite
Common people don't know what
Exquisite agony is
Suffered by gentle people
Like me!
Just get your hands off me
Think up a tricky
Test for that wretched, moat-swimming princess
Madame, may I suggest?
Maybe we ought to-
Don't take all night, I'm not well, I need my rest
Not that I ever sleep on that lumpy mattress, oh God, my back
Sensitivity, bane of royalty
That bed's a torture rack
Oh, I hate to sound grumpy
But my nerves are so jumpy
I am sure I could feel any lump
Even if it were under the mattress and small as a pea!
That's the answer!
Under the mattress
We'll test her tonight
One tiny pea beneath one thick downy mattress
Oh God, you're bright!
Any genuine princess would feel it
If she doesn't, she's through!
Get the tiniest pea and order
One mattress, no! Make it two!
Why not five?
Ten, I think, would plenty
Better still make it 20
And to play it safe in the event
Even that's not enough to ensure that she sleeps
We'll give her a soothing sedative, won't we?
You can whip up a drink
Something stunning
Ah
Oh, but you're devilish
I love the way you think
She's insensitive, so insensitive
She won't sleep, no doubt
God, but you're clever!
Brilliant! A genius! You are divine, get out!