The whole point of me recording right now
Is to hold myself accountable for the feelings I still feel
I thought it was over
I thought I was moving forward
But I guess that's why I have this to show me what's real
The perils of keeping your ex-wife's phone in your possession
You're only really saying you've put the past to rest
It is all too easy to feed your old obsession
You wanna prove you moved on, let's put it to the test
So I turn on my speakers
Plug them in to the jack
But I wasn't prepared
For how it'd feel to listen back
It was a painful little listen back
I had a little listen back
My first and last listen back
And I heard you cry
And I heard three minutes of unfiltered honesty
I realized I still love you
♪
Tonight I heard three distances voices
A trio of myself saying goodbye
I turned over in bed
Torn apart by past choices
Time to check the record, the record wouldn't lie
So I slipped out of bed
Made myself a small snack
And I put on my headphones
And had another listen back
It was a painful little listen back
I had a little listen back
That was my last listen back
And I heard us fight
But I was a coward and I ran away again
That wasn't right
And I can't afford to be a coward anymore
♪
Another part of adulting is admitting when you're wrong
And doing the hard thing you need to do for yourself
For eight years, I tried to tell myself, stay strong
As the guilt of what I'd done destroyed my mental health
You all know what I'm holding and what I just completed
Though hearing my own voice has never felt this strange
You were right to leave the record, you were right to give me distance
Something deep inside of me is ready now to change
This time when I listened
I only made it through half
Because with sixteen answers of mine missing
I can't just listen back
It's not enough to listen back
I can't just listen back
I have to do more than listen back
It's not enough to listen back
I can't just listen back
I have to do more than listen back