On contemplating how
One becomes a star
I have appeared to have stumbled
Upon a formula
Something that will take me
Straight to the top
Leapfrog
All of those talented fops
They leave the Italia Conti
And they think they've got it made
Sell records to the dribbling mass
Who claim financial aid
But when people laugh instead
They go out of their heads
Although that's not something
I would necessarily dissuade
On perusing the social diaries in the broadsheets at the club
I pondered on this problem and thought, "Ah! There's the rub!"
So many useless stars once they are popular
Turn to something else to hide what drivellers they are
I'll simply choose a nice Class A
But heroin is so passé
I know what to do and I'll give you a clue
So listen to what I'm about to say...
I think I'll try some of that crack cocaine
I've heard it rather takes away the pain
It's the kind of caper
That might get me in the papers
And garner me some critical acclaim.
I'll make myself a nice drug hell
A cheeky tale the press can tell
And if I smoke some crack
I might get my mojo back
And win myself a Brit Award as-well
...
They wanted me to go to rehab and I said,
"That sounds nice!"
Having my arse wiped by the lower class
"That sounds nice!"
I've got lots of time
And if they're supplying the wine
Then, they wanted me to go to rehab and I said
"That sounds nice!"
So, I think I'll try some of that crack cocaine
I've heard it rather takes away the pain
It's the kind of caper
That might get me in the papers
And garner me some critical acclaim
I'll make myself a nice drug hell
A cheeky tale the press can tell
And if I smoke some crack
I might get my mojo back
And win myself a Brit Award as-well
I just might...
"That sounds nice!"