Here's a festive tale for you all
It was the night before christmas
And all around the house
Were scattered small puddles of famous grouse
An early gift from a maiden arms
I thought I'll drink this rot
(Although I shan't)
The plants got a good whiskey watering, though
After my risky sauntering home from the club
Beyond a quick pop in to the pub
To extol tales of old
To the proles in their rowdy lug-holes
Though they were cold
I know they found my jolly stories rather droll
They went down gladly like a tory troll, at a glory hole
I degress
Still, barely made a crease in my Sunday best
When I arrive home in a stupor
"Oh super" I thought
"Father Christmas is a trooper"
I'll leave him some port under the tree as a treat
That'll set him on his way
And a carrot for Rudolph- the helper on his sleigh
I placed the offering beneath the tree
With a note which read:
Santa, thak you yee
Do enjoy this small treat that I've given thee,
But when I woke the fat git had taken liberty.
Just one glass of sherry,
I thought that was clear,
And the carrot was food for the reindeer.
Oh Santa,
Don't dock at my chimney again.
An empty bottle beneath the tree
And a carrot, besmirched by faecal debris.
Oh Santa,
Don't dock at my chimney again.
I come down on christmas morning to a terrible sight,
I thought at first a burglar had come in the night;
A sherry bottle on the fire
And sherry dripping from the ceiling
And now the christmas dinner seems somewhat unappealing.
Since he did that with a carrot,
My confidence is murky
As to whether he didn't do something rather similar with the turkey.
Next year though, I shall find out the truth;
I shall await the cheeky blighter
With a shotgun on the roof.
If I may be permitted to state a natural fact,
Father Christmas committed an unatural act.
Oh Santa,
Don't dock at my chimney again.
He finished my supply of fortified wine
Then he popped a carrot where the sun doesn't shine!
Oh Santa,
Don't dock at my chimney again.
Oh I wish he hadn't have done that on christmas day
Oh I wish he hadn't have done that on christmas day
Oh I wish he hadn't have done that on christmas day
If I may be permitted to state a natural fact,
Father Christmas committed an unatural act.
Oh Santa,
Don't dock at my chimney again.
He finished my supply of fortified wine
Then he popped a carrot where the sun doesn't shine.
Oh Santa,
Don't dock at my chimney again.
Why would he do
Such a thing
At christmas?:'(