I'm a noob, it's true
But so is each and every one of you, in this group
But I'm working for you
Set you up with some loot
And everything that you might wanna do, in this tomb
I just hope that I don't kill ya
I just want you to have fun
Roll call! Who's the team gonna roll those D
Half elf druid just turned 18
Dragonborn Bard with no AC
Gonna have to help em with an NPC
Gonna have to train em to move safely
Gonna have to hook them hard and move them fast if we ever wanna change the scene
That's on me, DM Beef
Dungeon Master to my shock
Hit perception, hear that knock
Do a little work? dude I punch the clock
And whatnot, know I got
Battle maps and some Vis-a-vis
Looking up stats for the enemies
And keeping track of your HP
I was gonna have yall explore, the lost mine of phandelver
But I could tell you wanted more, and were down for whatever
And so I crafted up my own lore, a customized adventure
But ask me what's the name of that dwarf? I simply can't remember
So I'm not great with names and with numbers I might be worser
And I might do a voice or two, but you shouldn't expect matt mercer
Click on the cursors to finding some treasures to give to the members who reach level 2
Rules may be shitty but Beefy take pity, Yo you having fun is what I want to do
I'm a noob, it's true
But so is each and every one of you, in this group
But I'm working for you
Set you up with some loot
And everything that you might wanna do, in this tomb
I just hope that i don't kill ya
I just want you to have fun
As you make your way through the swamp you come across an otherwise abandoned town
You see a light from a shack all the way in the back and you hear a kind of Kobald sound
Say that you wanna sneak, take a look at your sheet, make a roll to see if you gon live
It says 23? They all think you're a tree, It's time to roll initiative
Got Necromancers bringing demons from the darkest hells
Don't forget to mark your slots though, not my job to track all your spells
Fip and dive and try and strive to defend against a unarmed strike
Players new and old all know sometimes you gotta blame the dice
Sorry in this setting you can't shift into a dinosaur
Save a disaster, talk to your caster about fireball
Everything the bard says doesn't have to be a metaphor
Your skills combining it got ya shining brighter than a Megazord
Best adventurers in this kingdom
Roll die, decide on your victim
Starting now the futures unwritten
Tell tiamat to come get some
Take heed of all that I say
All winners playing this game
No doubt could do this all day
Come on over baby let's play