It came to me in sleep
Just like the rest of those reminders
That I know I shouldn't keep
Those graceless passing smiles and faded celebration scenes
That sense of loneliness in crowds
That never really disappeared for me
These thoughts pass slow, but then they always leave me something
A clutch of leaden souvenirs
So demanding of remembrance
And how long does it take
Before I tear out all the pieces
And then leave them in my wake?
And all the trivial pain they bring recedes
To somewhere out of memory
And if I could but reach them, I'd have buried them already
I would have bound and weighed them down and hauled them to sea
I want to think that there's a reason why these memories never fades
All of its barbed and poisoned pieces
Every one a part of me
A record of our pounding heartbeats
Now, we maybe tried and failed
For all the love that still eludes you
How we'll try and fail, still
I've seen a lot of beautiful things
I've seen some of them wilt before my eyes
I've had a problem matching passion with purpose
It's been keeping me up at night
Every chance I missed came back
And made home in my flesh
All these squandered opportunities
Now play back behind my eyelids
But they bring back names and faces
In the dead of the night
Some that I thought I'd forgotten
Some I barely survived
They bring back all the crowded spaces
Every awkward shaking line
And every reason for chagrin
All of these strangers' prying eyes
So strange that I can still recall the pain that they brought
Like in the moment that I felt it
Just as vivid as before
All of these faded names and places, how they move to the fore
Somehow so warmly familiar, all so cruelly abrupt
I remember rain-drenched streets and the chill of the night
Walking alone wrapped up six or seven drinks and yellow light
And I remember all this hollowness, the knot in my gut
A freezing bed and lonely thought when it's so easy to give up
And I still find that I am waking on my own late at night
With a head packed full of faces, wondering where they are now
I get to wondering if they ever think the same things of me
The thought departs as it arrives
I think it's best to let it be
(I think it's best to let it be)
I've come to find a comfort in these discarded thoughts
When I examine them by moonlight
They weren't beautiful before
And I am healing, though I never seem to rest as time goes by
The hour is late, I've seen no sleep
I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine
I have knelt beneath my grief
Have bled and crawled with gritted teeth
But I am alive
(I am alive)