I'm back to writing lists again Trying not to think about my neck or wrists again Trying not to think of anything Trying not to think of you Believe me, I wish that I could I wish you would talk I wish I could shut up Wish that we could find a way to go back to a time way before Every bite tasted this bitter Before I got tired of wishing And before you got bored And before I started writing Another few thousand words to let you know that I'm not doing fine And I somehow still don't think I'll be, A couple more teeth down the line 'Cause most of one half of my family's dead Now I'm dead to most of the other half And you keep shining hope through the crack in the door Then whenever I get close, you slam it shut And turning 30 really opened my eyes to the fact That I'm firmly stuck in a brand new rut And I know it'd be easier to give in to hate Just like it'd be easier to give up and die Recently it's become a choice between the two And I can't figure out why So now it's caffeine to get through the day Sleeping pills to shut down Then painkilers for the migraine Day in, day out Week after week