There's a place on Figueroa Street, Where you can always go Smiling faces you might meet, Whoa-oa-oa, All Hail, The Sportsman Bar Whoa-oa-oa, All Hail, The Sportsman Bar The trophies on the mantel Are covered with dust, And the pretzels are from 1982 The soda from the bar Tastes just like rust, Nobody cares! All Hail The Sportsman Bar Whoa-oa-oa, All Hail, The Sportsman Bar There's Mike Green, He's fallen to his knees, He's mumbling 'bout the State Street rock and roll They took away the booths, But unless they take the roof We will see you again here tomorrow! Say a prayer for friends Who passed away, Say a prayer for the lurkers And the losers And to all you bastards That moved out of town, We'll see you at Thanksgiving At the Sportsman Bar Whoa-oa-oa, All Hail, The Sportsman Bar Ned's our man, With his Pabst Blue Ribbon can, Uh-oh, he's looking for a fight! He'll punch you in the face, But it's your kind of place So we'll see you again here tomorrow! Everybody's drunk! Everybody's drunk! Whoa-oa-oa, All Hail, The Sportsman Bar