At the grocery parking lot Every thing over 4 foot 3 Is 'bout hundred bucks a pop Schlepin' around for a Christmas tree And I still haven't found a thing In a trailer I met some drunken' guy And we did some haggling People get that ornamental feelin' every year, Mom's and Dad's and kids all happy Till they get their hands all scratched and sappy Shoppin' around for Christmas trees What a crappy holiday Today they smell so fresh and green They'll be dead on Christmas Day You will get that ornamental feeling every year When you find a tree that looks real jolly, If you turn it round, it's as brown as Charlie's Choppin' down my Christmas tree In a true old-fashioned way Toppin' it off with a Spotted Owl And make hasty get away