You call yourself a man?
I can leg press like 500 pounds with only one hand
I always flex in front of all my friends
I'm gonna put my legs behind my head
And suck my own dick... because it's masculine
♪
Craft beer's for pussies, I only drink Busch Light
And if you talk shit on Kid Rock, I'll end your fucking life
I park in the handicapped spot because I don't give a fuck
I used to drive a pickup, but now I drive a monster truck
Holy shit!
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God damn!
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Who needs a gym when I can work out in my muscle car?
I'll pick a fight with anyone inside my favourite sports bar
I have tattoos of barbed wire and broken glass
My dad's a cop, and I bet he could kick your dad's fucking ass
People wonder why I'm always angry all the time
But if you mention it, I'll get defensive at the drop of a dime
I swear to god, I've never cried a single time in my life
No, I'm totally serious, I'm the manliest type of guy
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Yeah!
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I only enjoy eating phallic-shaped foods
Bananas, hot dogs, popsicles, and sausages too
I do this because it's manly, not because it's insane
I don't have no time for weaklings, especially if I'm watching the game
I cut the sleeves off of all of the shirts I buy
It helps me show off my muscles to other guys
I like to think that they see me and think I'm tough
But honestly, I weep at night because I'm not that buff
I'll never understand why women always put me in the friend-zone
I send them unsolicited dick pics from my phone
The truth is, I think there's something wrong with me
Maybe it's my anger issues or that I have a tiny peepee