I'm gonna club you in the teeth with my bamboo stick.
I'm dressed up in leather, with a shield ancestor of Erdrick.
On a quest to bring peace to the land that we're livin' in.
On a mission to hit the Dragonlord with my fist.
I've got a pocket full of herbs for when I'm powerin' up.
Found Erdrick's Armor near the tree and punched a Wraith in the nuts.
I learned a couple of magic tricks, you can call me Houdini.
I saved the Princess like a motherfucker, barely competing.
And now she's all over my ballsack like stink on shit.
But I got more important things to do, so fuck that bitch.
See ya later King Lorik, thanks for savin' my state.
Sorry I can't stay for dinner but I'm gonna be late.
The Dragon Warrior, baby. Drivin' the ladies all crazy.
Dudes wearin' armor despite me they are all jealous they ain't me.
I'm on a mission to kill, I'll punch that bitch in the grill.
Cut every fuckin' finger off until he's beggin', I will.
I'm on my way to the motherfuckin' castle.
With this new sword, gonna be fuckin' them up.
Level 22 Master, fuckin' up bastards.
With this steel ring that I found in the trunk.
And nobody's gonna touch my style.
So infantile, to think you'll be fuckin' with me.
Gonna drink this forty O, throw some bows.
Kick your ass into the tree.
Bitch please, I'mma punch them shits, kick them shits.
Use some Hurtmore on that bitch.
Fuck yeah, I'mma wring their neck, put 'em in check.
Then bust my damn chick.
With this quarter pounder bro, make her moan.
Send her ass fuckin' home.
But right now I'mma grab that bitch and hit them shits in the back with my FO FO.
I'm goin' through the cave with a torch in my hand.
Fightin' off these motherfuckers like a man with a plan.
I found a secret entrance way, in the back of the throne.
The stupid fuckin' Axe Knight better leave me alone.
Or I'mma break his damn legs in three places, for real.
Take his shit and hit his fuckin' torso with my shield.
Oh shit I'm bein' stared at.
Come here Wizard. Now this time I'll fight back. I'll break that.
Got this sword, you can fall down 'cause bitch you're whack.
And every time my fuckin' hits'll make you die like that.
Oh no my torch went out, I gotta save my spells.
Aww, what the hell.
Radiant; I'm almost out any way.
Finally I found the exit way to this maze.
And now I'm approachin' Dragon Lord with some words to say.
Somebody better dig him a grave. For real.
You ready motherfucker? Well try this on for size, bitch.
Punch to the face, kick to the shins.
Use some Healmore, now let me begin.
You're deader than shit, it's only fair to warn.
Until you show your true form.
Now I'm blockin' and kickin' I can't fuckin' get it.
I barely got any spells left.
I thought I was winnin'.
I guess I was forgettin' the power of his fire breath.
As I fall to the ground, I think of the town.
How in the fuck could I let all these nice people down?