It's been a while since the people around me have seen me smile
It's like I got a fucking gun, and shot my inner child
I remember being happy, just trying to make momma proud
But nowadays I just feel like I let my momma down
I'm sorry momma, I love you, and if it wasn't for you
I would of killed myself a long time ago, that's the truth
I remember being seventeen, locked up in my room
Contemplating my fucking life, thinking what should I do
Feeling lost and confused, I swear I didn't wanna live
And the saddest thing was, that I was only a kid
And I know many kids these days who feel like I did
Back when I was a teen, I see those scars on your wrist
How many times have you tried, you cut yourself and you cry
But it's hard to bleed to death, when you're truly empty inside
That's why you're still alive, it wasn't your time to die
It wasn't my time either, but now I just can't describe
The pain that's inside my soul, I used to be in control
Of my emotions, but nowadays I just feel like I'm just so
Out of tune with my inner self, and I really don't know
What I can do to make it better, and so it's killing me slow
It's like a cancer, and rest in peace grandpa, I miss you
A few days before you died, I was sitting right there with you
At the hospital, thinking of the hard times you've been through
And maybe if I kill myself, I can fly with you
To heaven, but truth is, I don't think I'll ever get there
I see demons when I go to sleep and I never get scared
I sit there, empty and cold, with a fucking dead stare
Nightmares of walking through hell, just to get some fresh air
Lord please answer my prayers, before I get this fucking gun
And shoot myself in the head, I just wish my heart was numb
But it hurts so much, and I know killing myself is dumb
This is my suicide letter, but wait, I'm not done
Can't you see, I am drowning in my tears, begging please
I am trapped inside of here, my mind is my enemy
It's not who I wanna be, yeahhh
I know alot of you will read this, and probably think I'm insane
You probably think that I'm playing, not thinking of what I'm saying
But to tell you the truth, I'm so emotionally drained
And I promise you that many of fans, feel my pain
They've seen me through all my
Struggle, they knew when I was in trouble
From the bottom of my heart, I just wanna say I love you
And to my best friend Jenny, I wish I could just hug you
And tell you how much you mean to me, no one will come above you
I promise to watch over you, and thank you for the love
And for being there for me, when no one else gave a fuck
At my grandpa's funeral, I gave my momma a hug
And seem her cry so much, and thought to myself, what the fuck
Is she gonna do, when she sees my body in a coffin
I love you momma, and I just wish I said it more often
And tell my dad I love him too, wish I wasn't so heartless
Living life was hard enough, but saying goodbye is really the hardest
Part, I know you're gonna miss me, but I'll be inside your heart
Let me spirit be the light that guides you when life gets dark
And to my sisters and my brothers, stay strong, don't fall apart
I'm gonna miss you all, same with my sister and brother in law
And all my nieces and nephews, and all my fans who cared
The ones who sent messages, when no one else was there
And told me to keep my head up, when I wanted to disappear
And this bullet right here is gonna end all the fear
I'm fucking tired of the pain, I'm tired of feeling the same way
Every day I wake up, I'm praying to God for change
But it's like he doesn't listen, or maybe he's just ashamed
I get it, it's all my fault, I know I'm the one to blame
For constantly trying to make, everybody feel sorry for me
I know my family loves me, I know that my fans adore me
I'm sorry I'm just confused by all these demons in my mind
This is my suicide letter, but wait, it's not my time
Can't you see, I am drowning in my tears, begging please
I am trapped inside of here, my mind is my enemy
It's not who I wanna be, yeahhh
Can't you see, I am drowning in my tears, begging please
I am trapped inside of here, my mind is my enemy
It's not who I wanna be, yeahhh